But..But I Thought–

Remember that warm and fuzzy time when I decided I was going to “work dammit” and ace all my exams and my sheer academic awesomeness would give me literal wings to fly so high that even the sky wouldn’t be the limit?

Yeah …not happening.

It’s been about a month since I set out with my highlighters and brand new notebooks, and so far, I’ve barely finished the Physics syllabus. Don’t even get me started on Maths…I love maths, I do, but lately (having been unable to attend a couple classes), I’m kind of lost with the new concepts, and rather than tackle that mountain, I kept putting it off, saying I would find time later…Exams begin next week. I got desperate enough to get a math tutor, but after a couple of classes he was suddenly taken ill (I suspect nothing of the sort) and so I’m back at square one. Anyone know any places where I can get some help with trigonometry?

Aaanyone?

And Mechanics. What am I going to do?? (I rarely use double punctuation here, and you should know that the fact that I am right now means I am currently at a very dark place I see no escape out of)

Okay breathe…I think I forgot how to breath. OhdearlordwhatamIgoing todo?

I know: stay up all night and watch Nazi Germany documentaries! This would be helpful if I still took History, but I can barely manage my 5 AS Levels and as much as it pained me, I had to drop History. And Literature. Literature hurt even worse—has anyone read Continuum by Allen Curnow? I love that poem and analysing it was heaven. I miss analysing literature and debating interpretations…

I know this isn’t a very interesting post (but then again, those are accidental and far between) But I said I would post updates. Also worrying about stuff means I can put off actually DOING it. Yes yes, all very convenient.

I haven’t gone out in a long time…Its either trying to study (I said, trying) or TV marathons or scrolling Word press. I downloaded a site blocker and that has helped with my productivity some. But being the intelligent creation that I am, it wasn’t long before I figured out a way to dupe the site blocker and now there is no stopping me…Half my troubles are self-inflicted really. And the other half, have mostly to do with the impending Dolphin Invasion, but more on that later…

It’ll be two o’clock soon. Looks like I’ll be pulling an all-nighter to get my work done according to schedule (I’m already about 2 days behind) I’m not among those traitorous, misleading con artists who say they have done “absolutely nothing”  and trick you into a false sense of security, only for you to find out later that by ‘nothing’ they mean they hadn’t revised that 3rd time—no when I panic academically, I have every reason to do so. But I wish I was among the traitorous, misleading, lucky few.

But better late than never, right? 8 hours from now, I’ll wish I had started working right now (like I wish I had started working seriously 2 weeks ago)

This is not who I want you to see

It’s just adding on weight to the darkness in me

 

Isn’t it just fantastic when words like that speak right to your black, emo heart?

Yours Truly,

sign-off

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13 thoughts on “But..But I Thought–

  1. “Half my troubles are self-inflicted” Man this line got me!
    I never opted for Maths so I never studied ‘Trig.’ Although I regret it now, I think I should have.
    Anyway, you’ll figure it all out eventually. Everyone does. Breathe. Eat and SLEEP.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Yeah I decided 2 hours later it wasn’t even worth it, and went to sleep 😛
      And I don’t even know what happened with Trig..it started off innocent and easy and then devoured me whole. gah.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Trig is out to get anyone and everyone. Since you were devoured whole (like me), you’ll probably see me lurking in the trigonometric intestines…
        THERES A MENTAL IMAGE FOR YA XD

        Liked by 1 person

  2. I totally messed up my A-levels. Don’t know if that helps but i turned out all right… eventually. I do know that Mechanics is basically the same as Physics so I wouldn’t worry about that one. You’ll be fine. Everyone procrastinates. And then we hate ourselves for it. It’s all part of the process…

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you–you did turn out okay and that definitely helps some. Exams always seem like the end of the world, and has been the cause for much self loathing–I always seem to repeat the same cycle over and over (i.e, plan, panic, procrastinate :P)

      Liked by 1 person

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